Just let me tell you the whole story. On Friday morning, I got up to go to work. When I work day shift I leave for work at 5:30 am while everyone is soundly sleeping in their beds. I walked out of the house and we have 2 dogs and I only saw 1 dog. I called and called for her but she was nowhere to be found. We have an underground fence (for those of you who don't know what the is, it is a wire that is buried underground and the dog wears a shock collar and when it get close to the fence it gives the dog a little shock). I walk to the boundary of the fence and sure enough there she is. She sees a groundhog or a skunk and off she goes through the fence to try to get it, the only bad thing is when she gets across the boundary she doesn't have the adrenaline rush to get her back in. Well anyway she is over the hillside and it is pitch black dark outside, so I walk in the house to try to find a flashlight. My wonderful husband heard me come back into the house and I looked at him and told him the dog was out would he please go get her back in. He wasn't as concerned about the dog as I was and he said she will be alright she gets out all the time, eventually she will learn not to do that. I couldn't believe it, seriously that was his answer I was so mad. Dogs can not reason, that is what separates them from humans. So I go back outside in the dark because my kids have run the batteries down in EVERY flashlight we have in the house. The longer I stood outside the madder I got. Well I walked back in the house to inform Mr. Wonderful just how wonderful he really is. I walked in and looked at him and said "would you please get the ______ dog back in the fence so I can go to work". He said "you need to watch your tone with me, and I told you the dog will be fine." That sent me completely over the edge and I am not proud of all the words that came out of my mouth but trust me they were BAD. I walked out and SLAMMED the door. I knew as soon as the door slammed that I went too far and was in some serious trouble. Long story short I got the dog in the yard and off to work I went.
So I am sitting at work and he called. We talked as though nothing had happened that morning. He didn't say I word and I didn't say a word about it. I got off work around 6pm and he was already home. My oldest was off to a friends birthday party but I knew the youngest was to be home so there was no way we were going to be able to "discuss" the events of the morning yet. I walked in the house and he was on the computer and I asked him where the little one was and he said she had gone to the football game with my niece and he asked what time the oldest was due home and I said 930. He said good go change clothes and come back we need to talk. So I did as I was told, I changed clothes and walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch crossed my arms and just looked at him. I told him how sorry I was that I had lost my temper and that it wouldn't happen again and I was sorry as soon as it happened. I knew it was wrong to talk to him the way I did and I truly sorry.
Now let me tell you just a tidbit about my husband. He has NEVER ever ever lost his temper with me nor has he ever ever ever yelled at me. When he gets mad he just walks off. I don't have that ability yet. We are working on that.
So he asked me to think about it, did I really think he was going to leave the dog "out" there to just fend for herself. Well no, I knew that he wouldn't have done that, but I wanted him to jump when I said jump. And he said that the way I talked to him was totally unacceptable (duh I already know that). And he asked me if I agreed with that and I shook my head yes. He said "well I guess there is not much more to talk about". He stood up and began to remove his belt. I told him it really was not necessary to spank me, I know what I did was wrong and I will try my best to never let it happen again. He told me he wasn't there to "beat" me into submission, and he doesn't want someone who is afraid to voice their opinion but I will be done in a respectful manner and if it wasn't then there will be punishment. He said that our expectation for our marriage was here (imagine holding your hand up to the top of your head) and in actuality it is here (again hold your hand up about mid chest) he said that he has found when things get like this that a well delivered spanking brings those hands together where they should be. So he motioned for me to stand up and over the couch arm I went for a well delivered spanking.
So I can say our marriage is still on track the way it should be, I hope not to "flip" out on him again because I really really really don't want another one of those "well delivered" spankings again. But I guess that is what makes it a punishment, the not wanting it again.
That is how this weekend went for us and I am still a touch sore but very much in love.
And the dog is safe in the yard and very much loved too! :)
Oh Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your husband loves you very much, and that everything is as it should be :)
Glad to hear things are going smoothly for you, and welcome to our community!
Jenn (Loved and Led)
Aww, so sorry you had to go through that! I probably would have had the exact same reaction if my husband had said that about our dog (although he never would have said it, since he's just as crazy protective as I am, lol!), and I would have ended up in a very similar position for losing my temper. It's hard sometimes to let go of that "jump when I say jump" mentality, but perhaps in the future better communication on his part would help? I don't want to sound judgmental, of course, nor am I excusing disrespect, but it would be hard for ANY woman, in my opinion, to not get upset in that type of situation.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, glad you worked things out, and glad the dog is okay. :) Btw, what kind of dogs do you have? Just curious...
-RW
At the very least, it is good to be able to have a way to work things through. I find I am much improved in biting my tongue these past several years!
ReplyDeleteJust as an aside, your husband might have said "I will take care of the dog when I am ready. Go to work" or some such thing to communicate that he did intend to do so. To me what he said sounded like he wasn't going to bother, and I think that was what you heard too.
Jennifer - thanks it's nice to be here.
ReplyDeleteRW - you are right it is hard to let go of the jump when I say jump mentality. He is very laid back and gets to things in his own time. And we have an Australian cattle dog, she is very hyper and loveable.
Sara - you are right that is what I "heard" but I knew he would get the dog just in his time and his time puts me in mind of eyore off Winnie the Pooh when I want it to be more like Speedy Gonzalez. But I did tell him as much as I am working on my communication skills he needs to do a little work too. I have gotten better over time with biting my tongue because I used to flip out all the time, so we are making progress.
Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so very familiar. There’s nothing worse than losing your temper, having expletives fly out of your mouth almost effortlessly, and watch the face of the one you love twist in hurt and anger. The reality that I am capable of that kind of disrespect alone is enough to make me cry. I’m sorry you flipped out and got punished for it. That’s one of the things that they simply won’t allow us to get away with.
SugarAnne
SugarAnne - Your right, that type of interaction is no longer tolerated at this house, and I am much more at peace with myself because of that. But then there are those times when KABOOM I just blow up. Those times are becoming further and further apart.
ReplyDeleteRebekah,
ReplyDeleteDon't you just love dogs???? LOL
I could picture the entire scenario in my head as you were describing it. Sounds like a scene from my life.
I'm sorry it happened but I am pretty sure after a while the "explosions" will become less and less. I'm not saying you won't explode inside your head, you'll just be able to bite your tongue like I am FINALLY learning to do!
Great post and I'm glad you are such a caring dog owner.
Janet
Janet - Isn't funny how a good spanking will kick on that brain to mouth filter.
ReplyDeleteIt's odd that you should say that you want to achieve a state where you just walk away as your husband does, rather than engaging in battle. My husband does that also, and nothing, absolutely NOTHING contributes to my frustration and anger more. The result is that we never deal with anything, because staying calm in his eyes is more important than communication and problem solving.
ReplyDeleteI think you will also find that, in many DD relationships, walking away from a conversation or disagreement is seen as on a par with slamming down a phone or refusing to discuss something. Each to his or her own I suppose.
swl1